A religious impaction

        Hi my names jadiel I once in my life was a boy who had a very serious belief and i felt that this belief i had was just a belief that had to do with always wanting to be perfect.I felt that inorder to be loved by a deity or god that you couldn’t be this certain way.My old belief was that in order to be like in front of a religious deity or god you had to be perfect and clean.Just having this point of view was draining at some point because i feel like i was being someone that i wasn’t.I feel that i grew up hearing that to be loved by jesus you have to be exactly like him and that’s where to me the funny part comes in because no can be exactly like him everyone has their own original identity.It just these stories that i have heard since a child played a role in my life that i lost focus of what really matter now.I Feel like i got so accustomed to hearing these stories that i felt that if i did something out of the ordinary it wasn’t ok.I Started visiting  a religious institution that was controlling and wanted to implement these harsh  rules.To me these rules that men wanted to enforce on me was just a strategy to change who i actually am i feel like this was a way to  keep me from being  who i actually am .I thought that these institution were  a way of bringing unity between humanities but what i came to realize was that they were a system of division because inorder to align to their way of being perfect  aligning with their standards Was a way of contributing to their vision of perfection.In most of these institutions your opinion or your voice is not really projected or seen as important.The funny part is just how you would live your everyday life with most of the people you considered to be real and then they aren’t.I  came out as a gay men to them and now I’m part of the lqbtq community and i when i came out as gay men they felt feared.To me it was just an experience that caused me to see their true colors.In the beginning it wasn’t easy because i felt like i had to hide a part of myself just to please others.I felt that if i made others happy that will contribute to my happiness.I noticed that the religious fanatics people are afraid of the boldness and power us lqbtq people can bring towards helping other people come out .I feel that i was finally me when i opened up to being myself.They are more about a certain doctrine being teached and then this doctrine was the only one that was important to them.But in my experience i felt that that this way of them teaching their doctrine was draining because i would force myself to be something i couldn’t even be myself i felt that it was completely causing me to be divided from my friends and family.I noticed that if i wouldn’t of left this institution i would been drifting away from having many great relationships with people who have a beautiful personality.  It was a process because sometimes talking about how you feel is an exercise.But as gay men i’m empowered to help others who need to find their voice.Sometimes giving your voice might not be as easy.To me religion plays a role in dividing people and race.Not only even race and culture but people with different sexual orientations.To have a relationship with god or even with something spiritual doesn’t mean you have to change who you are or your identity .This is what this institution was doing to me.

I felt like i wasn’t being myself like a part of me just wanted to come out.I share this story because anyone who is going through this i don’t want them to go through the same thing to know that there is hope at the end of the tunnel.I just remember being 2 person’s at the same time like i wanted to be what other people wanted me to be and then i had another part of me that just wanted to glow.To be honest that is draining because you can’t do all at once.There’s nothing more harsh then living a religious life something that detains you from not being who you actually are.Something that brings down your opinion or tries to shut down your voice.Later on i found myself leaving because most of the people weren’t real and were just people pleasers.I found myself searching for a community that has no division,no hatred or judgment .I feel that this doctrine they teached was just causing me to not really focus on what matter now which is living life here because they focus so much on the afterlife and where your going to go after death.Acceptance ,kindness and empowerment .I found an lqbtq community of faith and they are the most loving people because they work constructing the word to make it work for every person and everyone no matter who you are or where you come from.To be honest i feel like i can have true spiritual life now one becuase im myself and not pretending to be something i’m not.Also because i have learned to build good relationships With people who value empowerment and mental health.Mental health to me is something very important to me because if you don’t love yourself you can’t love others.Loving me and who i Am is a vital essence so that I can be the best version of myself to every person I value and have love for .I feel like i was giving myself that love before that I should have given myself and I am thankful for the experience because that has made me to be what i am today.To me this experience are something that should be experienced i don’t complain about them because to me it was just meant to be and it was within the plan for this to happen.Sometimes in life you just have to hit a rock how they say in my country and learn and this is exactly what happened to me I had to live the experience inorder to see the real truth.Has my belief changed in some aspects yes and i still believe in god now i fully believe that he is in favor for everyone and everybody and that there is no distinction or division when approaching him as the real you.